Announcement regarding my nationality

Here’s a heads up that I’m giving America my 12-month notice and effectively I’m a free agent — that’s right, I’m accepting best offers from any nation soliciting new citizens. In exchange for my professional talents, bank account transfer and willingness to serve in your civil peacekeeping missions, I seek 5 acres of land in your most mountainous district, fiber optic access, no taxation on any part-time foreign income, and a snowmobile or really nice kayak (whichever best applies).

I’m taking a trip to interview with Norway, Germany and Switzerland starting March 2nd.

If you’d like to be added to my itinerary, please send a short video explaining your package interspersed with footage of your countryside. Be advised, emails containing only a link to your country’s Wikipedia entry won’t be seriously considered.